Straight Talk About Marriage & Family Genesis 2:15-25 10/21/2012

Straight talk about marriage and family

Today’s Scripture:  Genesis 2:15-25, NIV 1984

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.  But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones  and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’    for she was taken out of man.”24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Series on straight talk – church/life and death/relationships/don’t tell them that next week we are talking about money

Like to talk today about marriage, parenting, and friendships……….

This is something that all of us deal with.

And it is the source of great joy, and the source of great pain.

So much to say about marriage children and friends

How can we condense this into some simple ideas

Wesleys three rules

We had a sermon series on this a few years ago Anyone

remember any of them?

·        Do no harm

·        Do all the good you can

·        Stay in love with god

Imagine that we lived by these rules

Do no harm - In marriage

4 causes of maritial issues

·        Financial – common goals

·        Children – talk the issues thru

·        Sex

·        In laws –

Two become one

Leave the old ways – leave father and mother

Leave how would normally do it yourself

set healthy boundaries

Do no harm in your marriage

Don't yell at them

Manage your mouth

Don't berate them

Don’t be selfish

Don’t close them out

Don’t let bitterness or fear take over

Don’t give up on them

Do no harm with children

Bill Cosby - If God had trouble with his children, we are probably going to face some issues in this life as well.

Mt 18:1-5

18 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”

² He called a little child and had him stand among them. ³ And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children,^(B) you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.^{(C) 4} Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.^(D)

⁵ “And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.^{(E) 6} But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,^(F) it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.^(G)

Don’t Slap them in anger

Don’t Press them with guilt

Don’t give them too much

Do no harm - Do not hurt your friends

Keep your commitments

Don't ignore them

Don’t take them for granted

Don’t talk behind their backs

Rule #2 Do all the good that you can

All the good in marriage

South broadland Presbyterian church

Borrowed dress.

Ushers wore fish ties

Reception held at a friends house

Honey moon at big lake state park, mound city MO

So far I think it is working out pretty well

Do all the good that you can in your marriage

Love them

Respect them

Honor them

Invest in them

         Talk about you and Cathy.

Work yes or no

College, yes or no

Travel yes or no.

Out with her friends

Girls trip to chicago

Letting them live their lives

Jealousy and possessing the other person

Love is not about possessing something.  It is about willing the best for it.

You cant force them to love you

What else can you do that is good………..

Listen

See your own dysfunction

See that you are part of the problem

Find the healthier you

Relationships – acting vs reacting [the lover creates the love]

But make peace with the fact that they are not romeo or juliet

Have Common goals

Leave your father and mother

Leave your life that was just about you

Sit down and work it out.  Come to common goals and live them out

Do all the good that you can with Children

Invest time in them

Not sports necessarily - but burger king

Listen to them

Tell them about you.  let them get to know you

Hug them, love them. nurture them

validate their existence

remember that the kids are leaving you………..

The primary relationship in the home must be the marriage. 

Live with the thought in mind that one day it will again be you two

Thanksgiving in florida.

Keeping your family together is a nice idea. 

I love it, but you cannot force it.  It is not up to you.  It is up to them.

Ignore this to your peril

Preparing your children for the real world.  For the future.

My last child moved out yesterday.  Now all three are renting apartments.

I was 10% melancholy 70% proud of them, 30% excited

Do all the good that you can with Friends

Smile when u see them

Make time for them

Let them know that they matter to u

If you want a friend, be a friend

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Rule #3

Stay in love with god

Keep life in perspective

See your own personal craziness and work to get it out of the way

The pursuit of mental health usually lies outside of our comfort zone.

Slow down.  Find the peace.  Find the joy

Understand others.  give them grace.

The power of grace cannot be overstated

Jesus gave more than he received.  When you are expending more energy that you might otherwise, you may be on the way of Christ

Eph 4:32 “forgive one another, as God through Christ has forgiven you”

Luke 6:31 “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”

Lent 4 - Who Is This Jesus: He Breaks The Rules Mark 2:1-12 3/18/2012

Sermon 3-18-12 Lent 4 who is this Jesus? He breaks the rules Mk 2:1-12-

1 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3 Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. 4 Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. 5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”
6 Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7 “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
8 Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? 9 Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? 10 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins…” He said to the paralytic, 11 “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” 12 He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

This is one of my favorite bible stories

He has friends- he accepts help- jesus is cool- jesus acts outside of the box

1 He has friends
Lets celebrate the joy of friendship.
4 friends going to the mat for one of their buds. I like that. maybe jesus likes that.

His friends are determined
The crowd doesn’t make way for a man on a mat….
they are not deterred
they start peeling apart the roof

Celebrate the role of friends in our lives
When 2 guys drove me to the Denver airport the night my dad died

2 The man is willing to accept help
Well, he couldn’t help himself.
True, but sometimes we are too prideful to let others help us

we want to do it on our own
Eli Wiesel claims that he and his father motivated each other to survive in the concentration camp. Wiesel needed to stay alive to take care of his elderly father. That became his motivation for surviving the concentration camps. He knew that if he died, his father would give up hope and die also.

Wiesel wrote, “The Germans tried to get the inmates to think only of themselves, to forget relatives and friends, to tend only to their own needs. But what happened was just the reverse. Those who retreated to a universe limited to themselves had less chance of getting out alive, while to live for a brother or a friend, helped you hold out longer.”

Shawn’s rubber bands
We are in this together

When we are unwilling to ask for help, when we are unwilling to accept help, not only is the outcome bad for us, we also compound the tragedy by destroying a divine and sacred moment in which others have an opportunity to exercise their gifts and ministry in the Christ Body. And that’s not a good thing.
Relationships are about us relying on each other….
who in your life helps hold you together?
What friends are immortalized in your life?
If you don’t have the answers to those questions, you may be missing out on a very important part of life……friendship

It is ok to cultivate friendships. To identify people and pursue a friendship.

3 Jesus is cool
• He has attracted a crowd.
• The compassion aroused in Jesus as he witnesses the great extent that the friends go to
• Jesus is patient
• Jesus has some control over this. Lets go outside. Hey stop dropping stuff on our heads…
• he has a sense of humor………pieces of the roof are falling…………….. some might have wanted to leave. Jesus keeps his cool.

4 He acts outside of the box
The Pharisees have rules- God forgives your sins when you offer a sacrifice in the temple.
Jesus breaks their rules
We have ours about forgiveness
Jesus breaks some of those rules as well.
Some of our rules.
• You have to ask
• You have to be sincere
• You don’t get to have your sins forgiven because of someone else’s faith

The rules that we have made for people to believe in Jesus, Jesus doesn’t even follow them.
He is not bound by our attempts to confine the activity of God
He is not impressed with our efforts to control the divine

What is Jesus like.
I visited a class a few weeks ago
I like doing this. If you have a group, Jeff would love to come visit
Part of the conversation was about why some people don’t believe

I don’t believe in god or I don’t believe in the god that someone told me about
What is Jesus like?
Good model to lay on top of about any situation.
Wwjd
Someone cut me off in traffic
My child was rude to their mother
My boss is unfair to me

conclusion
Who are your friends? Have you thanked them lately?

Has someone told you that you could not be forgiven?

What do you need help with? I know someone that you can call.
It is fine for you to ask God to help you

Who is Jesus? I have never seen anything like this
The last verse- they praised God saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

I have seen a lot of things -The grand canyon
The redwood forest-The florida keys-The birth of a child

I just want to praise God. Is that ok? I am one of the most normal people you will meet. We need to praise God

Words with Friends - Chruch Matthew 28:16-20 01/29/2012

Sermon Jan 29, 2012 words with friends = Church Mt 28:16-20

16 Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. 17 When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. 18 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Words w friends = church

No more glorious
God’s face on the earth
A human institution-
[best commitments are based on reality, not the honeymoon factor]

Are you comfortable with the word church?
Sometimes we get it wrong

Organizations
Bishops
Structures
Pastors
Committees
Activity
Brushing elbows with the movers and shakers..
Something that appeased my guilt
Right doctrine
Fire insurance - My ticket punched for heaven

Partly right, but missing the point
This doesn’t work – does it

So we have questions like
Why am I not getting fed
Why do I get burned out
I don’t like the changes at my church
I don’t want a bigger church [jeff prefers a church of 300]
I don’t prefer

If we get it wrong sometimes, what do those outside the church think?
Why don’t people come to church, repsoect church as they used to do? Remember the blue laws?
Why do they think this?
They have witnessed-

Christians who have fallen into bad habits
We thought we would say who the good ones are and
Who goes to heaven
Romans 1:20 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

We held our head s up and snubbed our noses
My kid and tagging the picture-
You were there? They serve alcohol
You never understand the nature of judgment until you have been the recipient
Some of us even blamed Katrina on bad behavior –
Mt 5:4343 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[h] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

This kind of thinking must be stopped
It must not be tolerated
It must not be nurtured

Why do we settle for this?
It is easier to be human than divine
Budgets, pledge cards, committees, buildings pastors and staff are there only to support this
When we lose sight of our mission, all that is left is the junk
Someone once asked me if I am a professional minister…………

It is easy to become one . someone who simply takes care of systems and expects people to help
That is not enough. We must speak to our mission our purpose

This is what the church is
Go into tall the world and teach
What is the lowest common denominator and still be a church?

Jesus did not formulate a doctrine
He didn’t write a creed

He stepped into the face of the religious leaders and the religious systems and said, no

What did he teach?
Love your neighbor
Love the lord your God
Jn 13 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Oh, now I get this sermon, you are telling us that the church needs to be about love.
Absolutely

To the extendt that we judge others, we are not the hands and feet of Christ
To the extent that we hold up who the good ones ae, we are not the voice of our father

Not doctrine
But love – check the words of jesus
The church has spoken to the words of Jesus
Paul has spoken to, interpreted the words of jesus
It is time that the words of jesus speak to the church
The voice of jesus must be the loudest
Teach love. Live love
1 cor 13
1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

Cheap grace is thinking that you can do this stuff and no have love and its enough.
Cheap grace is thinking hat we can do the human part and leave out the love.

Conclusion
When we show love, we find some Great stories of the church

Children are welcome
Inviting friends
Transforming lives
The broken are cared for
We are his body

I ask you to relieve yourself of false notions of the church and join me in our mission
Set aside your humanness

When those from the outside sense God’s love bouncing around in here, they will want to be a part of this church, this movement, this kingdom.

Words With Friends-Ralationships Ephesians 5:21-33 1/15/2012

Sermon 1-15-12 words w friends- relationships Eph 5:21-33=

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Note to jeff- also use 1 tim 6:1-3

1 All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God’s name and our teaching may not be slandered. 2 Those who have believing masters are not to show less respect for them because they are brothers. Instead, they are to serve them even better, because those who benefit from their service are believers, and dear to them. These are the things you are to teach and urge on them.

After reading those passages of scripture, the pastor had their complete attention, everyone, especially the wives were waiting, with brass knuckles in hand to see what words would come out of his mouth next.

Today is part 2 in our series words with friends. Our word from the scrabble tray for today is relationships

The broad range of relationships and problems with them
An entire sermon series after easter

Focus on marriage as an example that can be used

What is Paul saying. Are you still aghast that I read this passage. Let me help you.
We read this and think that Paul is pressing us into the dark ages. Paul did not write this for us. Paul wrote this for his day and for his day, it was ground breaking.
He was a raving liberal.
Slaves have rights? Kind to them? women have rights? Partnership? What?
He is apply the principles of faith to his culture.
We must do the same today.

Submit to one another
Give self as Christ gave himself for the church
In honor preferring one another Romans 12:10

What happens when we get this wrong
Parents that might want to manipulate you.
Children want everything.
Spouses insist you provide their needs

What I will get from you…..

Right at the center of all of this is us. Usually if there is a problem, part of the problem is me

Be kind- everyone u meet is fighting a great battle- philo of Alexandria

Bitterness and fear cause so many problems

1. Stop hurting each other
Why I am not a marriage counselor

2. Finding the healthy you

4 problems 4 kickers in marriage – four things that will sink the ship
In-laws, money, sex and children

We get it wrong about love……
Love is not attraction……….
I am attracted to you more that I am attracted to others
What happens when the attraction wears off?

Love is not dependence…..
Two broken people propping each other up
I am taking from you……..

Mom to son – what does your fiancé like about you
She thinks I smart, handsome and a good dancer

What happens when I need for me?
There should be give and take

Are you predominantly taking or giving

Relationships – acting vs reacting [the lover creates the love]


The lover creates the love – kiki the cat……..

What happens when we get this right?

When we get relationships right
I set healthy boundaries
Mom wants to manipulate me- no sorry, cant come
Kid wants a loan. Oh, I am sorry, you will have to figure that out

When we get relationships right
Primary relationship in the home is your marriage.
Ignore it to your peril
What people often do

When we get relationships right we understand that
Your ministry as a married person is to your spouse
To encourage them, help them fulfill their potential, bless them

what does long term success look like?
No relationship is perfect. Marriage is a dance between being madly in love one week and wanting to pull your hair out the next. There are challenges, there are seasons, but it is a wonderful thing when you find yourself at home and comfortable with the cadence.

You brought the best out of me….

Statement from Cathy
Jeff - Every relationship has rough patches, so it is important to always work hard to work through them. You know you are in love, when you want to put yourself second- you are just fine with it [being second]. Common goals are so important. When we spend years working together on shared values there is a bond that grows. We finish each other’s sentences. It is a little bit magical. I would rather spend time with you than with anyone else. You are my best friend.

Jesus said –
Let There be a washing of the feet. A laying down of one’s life. A going to the cross
Paul said, love is patient, love is kind
John said - Beloved, let us love one another………………1 jn 4

Conclusion –
How can we help
Fpu 5pm tonight

Marriage class We meet at 10:10 in room 306 and Dani and Rich Carroll co-teach with us. Bruce and Marilyn mcspadden. We are currently studying making decisions that foster freedom, respect, and responsibility for one's own behavior, thus providing a climate where love can grow.
This class has helped us get out of the rut of constant conflict.

We don’t like going to counselors…..shows weakness. No it shows selfishness. Intransigence. Love says, I will do whatever it takes…….I will go the second mile, the third…..

Came here looking for God to help you? I hope he has. Take that thought home. In your house pray. God help me to show grace.

Words With Friends - Regrets Phil 3:7-15 01/08/2012

Sermon 1-8-12 words w friends- regrets Phil 3:7-15
7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

Words with friends
EGRETS
REGRETS

Two kinds of regrets
Things we did that we wish we would not have done
Things we did not do that we wish we would have

Regrets for what I did, and for what I did not do
For what I was, and for what I wasn’t

What were Paul’s regrets?
He killed Christians
He rejected God’s offer of a relationship
He wasted part of his life [what he didn’t do that he could have]

You may have regrets for
How you handled a divorce
How you acted in a marriage
That you got married in the first place
That you let down your kid
That you helped your kid too much

Regrets of mine
Stan hartzler in the jaw
Don Rhodenburger
Jim Shreives who left his job because of me

At church
A sermon I gave one time
An effort that I did not put out there
Letting someone down

That’s a little bit crazy isn’t it?

You can please some of the people all of the time
And all of the people some of the time
But you cannot please all of the people all of the time

Its all a little bit crazy- that’s the whole point
Living in the past is unhealthy. It is not what God wants us to do

Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only for wallowing in.

The voice of regret
One of these voices comes from the painful past. It calls you to turn your head around and keep focused on your failures or sins. �How could you have done that?� the past keeps asking. Or it may preoccupy you with the failures and sins of others who hurt you.

Either way, the voice from the past makes it impossible to move ahead because it doesn�t let you even face the future. It doesn�t matter how carefully you analyze your shame, or how long you nurture the hurts you�ve collected, you�ll never have a better past.

We have to stop. We have to learn to forgive yourself

It is a powerful thing when you forgive someone elses sin

So god can forgive everyone else but you are not forgiven? Boy aren’t you special..

What if they ran around for the next 20 years apologizing over and over
Dude. Enough. Stop. You are wasting you life. Get off of it and get on with it.
Live!

I mentioned the voice of regret. there is another voice. The voice of our father calls out to you from heaven. It invites you to live. Here and now

Forgetting what is behind – I press forward to the high calling.
God has a plan for you. God has a work for you…

Possible illustration…………
Sarah Winchester
Sarah was rich. She had inherited twenty million dollars. Plus she had an additional income of one thousand dollars a day.
That's a lot of money any day, but it was immense in the late 1800s.
Sarah was well known. She was the belle of New Haven, Connecticut. No social event was complete without her presence. No one hosted a party without inviting her.
Sarah was powerful. Her name and money would open almost any door in America. Colleges wanted her donations. Politicians clamored for her support. Organizations sought her endorsement.
Sarah was rich. Well known. Powerful. And miserable.
Her only daughter had died at five weeks of age. Then her husband had passed away. She was left alone with her name, her money, her memories, ... and her guilt.
It was her guilt that caused her to move west. A passion for penance drove her to San Jose, California. Her yesterdays imprisoned her todays, and she yearned for freedom.
She bought an eight-room farmhouse plus one hundred sixty adjoining acres. She hired sixteen carpenters and put them to work. For the next thirty-eight years, craftsmen labored every day, twenty-four hours a day, to build a mansion.
Observers were intrigued by the project. Sarah's instructions were more than eccentric ... they were eerie. The design had a macabre touch. Each window was to have thirteen panes, each wall thirteen panels, each closet thirteen hooks, and each chandelier thirteen globes.
The floor plan was ghoulish. Corridors snaked randomly, some leading nowhere. One door opened to a blank wall, another to a fifty-foot drop. One set of stairs led to a ceiling that had no door. Trap doors. Secret passageways. Tunnels. This was no retirement home for Sarah's future; it was a castle for her past.
The making of this mysterious mansion only ended when Sarah died. The completed estate sprawled over six acres and had six kitchens, thirteen bathrooms, forty stairways, forty-seven fireplaces, fifty-two skylights, four hundred sixty-seven doors, ten thousand windows, one hundred sixty rooms, and a bell tower.
Why did Sarah want such a castle? Didn't she live alone? "Well, sort of," those acquainted with her story might answer. "There were the visitors..."
And the visitors came each night.
Legend has it that every evening at midnight, a servant would pass through the secret labyrinth that led to the bell tower. He would ring the bell...to summon the spirits. Sarah would then enter the "blue room," a room reserved for her and her nocturnal guests. Together they would linger until 2:00 a.m., when the bell would be rung again. Sarah would return to her quarters; the ghosts would return to their graves.
Who comprised this legion of phantoms?
Indians and soldiers killed on the U.S. frontier. They had all been killed by bullets from the most popular rifle in America -- the Winchester. What had brought millions of dollars to Sarah Winchester had brought death to them.
So she spent her remaining years in a castle of regret, providing a home for the dead.
You can see this poltergeist place in San Jose, if you wish. You can tour its halls and see its remains.
But to see what unresolved guilt can do to a human being, you don't have to go to the Winchester mansion. Lives imprisoned by yesterday's guilt are in your own city. Hearts haunted by failure are in your own neighborhood. People plagued by pitfalls are just down the street .. or just down the hall.
There is, wrote Paul, a "worldly sorrow" that "brings death." A guilt that kills. A sorrow that's fatal. A venomous regret that's deadly.
How many Sarah Winchesters do you know? How far do you have to go to find a soul haunted by ghosts of the past? Maybe not very far.
Maybe Sarah's story is your story.