Forgiveness Matthew 6:5-15 Sept 21 1997

Matthew 6:5-15 9/21/1997

Stories of pain:

I used to be a Christian. I used to have a great life, but it won't last much longer. I am 47 years old and have been diagnosed with bone cancer. Chemo has slowed the cancer, but it is just a matter of time. I don't want to die, I want to live! I want to watch my children grow up and want to see my grandchildren. How could God do this to me? I feel so powerless against this thing. If I get to see God after I die, I am going to give him a piece of my mind.

I continue to be passed over for promotions, and I know why. My boss doesn't like me. I am not his kind of person. I have been with this company longer than several others who have moved up the ladder. Doesn't he know that I have a family to feed? Maybe he just doesn't care. I despise the days when he is in the office. Just the thought of him makes me sick.

Will this pain ever leave? My precious baby, my arms ache to cuddle you close again and feel your soft skin against mine. Your sweet baby smells still fill my senses. Your death wat so unexpected and so devastating. You had so many symptoms and I repeatedly took you to the doctor for each one. We went in so often, I worried that the doctor would think I was just a paranoid Mom. Each time I was told it was nothing -- you just had a virus. I trusted the doctor -- until the day you died in my arms. It was the worst day of my life. They told us your heart fibrilated and stopped as a result of coarctation of the aorta. It could have been corrected. You could have lived. When you died, you took part of me with you. Now a part of my heart is forever gone. How can I ever forgive your doctor? More than that, how can I possibly forgive myself? I should have seen that something serious was wrong. Somehow I should have known. If only I could turn the clock back and do things right, you'd be with me now.

I am disgusted with life. Nothing has turned out the way I wanted it to. I always wanted to be a pilot, but my eyesight was too bad. It makes me sick that such a small thing has kept me from my dream. My frustration doesn't end there though. I am the least successful of my brothers and sisters, and I feel that I never measure up. My marriage that started off with such sweet love seems to have settled down into boredom....two ships that pass in the night. I have thought about suicide. I hate the way that my life has turned out.

Here I am at the brink of early retirement. I have worked hard, planned and dreamed of this moment for a lifetime. The "golden years" stretch out before me. How can they be golden when the woman I was supposed to spend those years with is gone from my life? All of our plans gone in an instant thanks to a man on a drinking binge. The years that were supposed to be so full are now only going to be empty. The golden years are truly behind me.

My wife, Becky, has been my best friend for the past 50 years. What great times we've had. Our home was really a home in the fullest sense. It brimmed over with love and laughter, but also its share of tears and struggles. Through it all we stuck together and grew closer with each passing year. It was painful enough when our children went away to college, but heartbreaking when they pursued careers in cities many miles away. But we didn't make a fuss. We silently shouldered the pain and sent them away with our blessing. We looked forward to the visits we were sure to receive. It is incomprehensible that they have made such little effort to make time to see us. I thought we raised them better than that.

I love my mother. I have warm memories of growing up in her care. She was always there for me, always attentive. But now I am 35 years old and things have changed. I have a husband and 4 fine children, and nothing I ever do makes my mother happy. We are never around enough to suit her. She hates my husband and disagrees with the way that we are raising our children. She calls at least 3 times a week to whine at me over something. I think that she is grieving the changes of growing old. But I am sick of it. Sometimes I wish that she would get it together and stop intruding into my life.

In the course of live, there may be no greater stumbling block than that of unforgiveness. I can't let it go.....it didn't happen 5 minutes ago, it is 1,5,20 years old.....I can't shake it. Friends, it is a matter of focus. Time heals everything? ....think about it. Refocusing heals everything.....the passage of time is often needed to help us refocus on something that can heal the situation.

Focus on Self: all grief is about the self.....being the victim.....this is about me, I cannot change them or the circumstances.....these things will eat our lunch. Heb 12:15 Look diligently lest any one fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness spring up and trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. It is important that we take care, and keep our hearts clean. Otherwise we impace our family, friends, all of life. Forgiveness is something that all of us need to find. This is a difficult place to go.....give me something nice, give me something easy. Wait friends.....isn't this what the call of Christ is about? That the depths of our sould would be open.....that we would learn to say "Father forgive them, they know not what they do."

Focus on Others: when you focus on problems, you take your eyes off of God. That example from Jesus is very important. He did not see the crowd as murderous nasty people, he saw them as those who God loves and wants to redeem. How do you want God to see you? We want all the grace for us, but are less willing to grant it to others. If we are to follow the way of Christ, we must learn to see others as God sees them; to see them as imperfect, broken, weak.

Focus on God: We focus not on ourselves, not on others or the problem at hand. Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven, and part of the Christ character within us wants our hearts to be clean. Focus on God...who is God? Only ground of hope. How.....through prayer.....God-centered prayer.....offering our pain, asking for his love over and over and over. God offers grace freely and fully to whosoever would ask; grace to those who have hurt you, and grace to you to let it go.

Ultimately, forgiveness is about believing that God is big enough to help me, big enough to help me let go. Focusing on Him can bring about a change in my life.....through prayer and relationship. In order to forgive, one must turn attention away from the self and circumstance and again to God; feast upon the goodness of who God is.....remember that His love is directed not only to me but also to those who have hurt me. When I focus on the problem, I have lost the battle. When I focus on God...O, the riches...it all comes in to perspective. Let's compare...lost promotion vs knowing God? Lost childhood vs knowing God? Knowing and walking with God--this is where our hearts must focus. Trust God, give it to Him. Focus on Him...think about Him for a minute...we humans cannot think about more than one thing at a time.

If you have spent time lost in unforgiveness, I want to invite you again to focus on the Lord, to see others as he sees them, to let His love free you to life--a life filled with joy.