Forgiveness Matthew 6:5-15 Sept 21 1997

Matthew 6:5-15 9/21/1997

Stories of pain:

I used to be a Christian. I used to have a great life, but it won't last much longer. I am 47 years old and have been diagnosed with bone cancer. Chemo has slowed the cancer, but it is just a matter of time. I don't want to die, I want to live! I want to watch my children grow up and want to see my grandchildren. How could God do this to me? I feel so powerless against this thing. If I get to see God after I die, I am going to give him a piece of my mind.

I continue to be passed over for promotions, and I know why. My boss doesn't like me. I am not his kind of person. I have been with this company longer than several others who have moved up the ladder. Doesn't he know that I have a family to feed? Maybe he just doesn't care. I despise the days when he is in the office. Just the thought of him makes me sick.

Will this pain ever leave? My precious baby, my arms ache to cuddle you close again and feel your soft skin against mine. Your sweet baby smells still fill my senses. Your death wat so unexpected and so devastating. You had so many symptoms and I repeatedly took you to the doctor for each one. We went in so often, I worried that the doctor would think I was just a paranoid Mom. Each time I was told it was nothing -- you just had a virus. I trusted the doctor -- until the day you died in my arms. It was the worst day of my life. They told us your heart fibrilated and stopped as a result of coarctation of the aorta. It could have been corrected. You could have lived. When you died, you took part of me with you. Now a part of my heart is forever gone. How can I ever forgive your doctor? More than that, how can I possibly forgive myself? I should have seen that something serious was wrong. Somehow I should have known. If only I could turn the clock back and do things right, you'd be with me now.

I am disgusted with life. Nothing has turned out the way I wanted it to. I always wanted to be a pilot, but my eyesight was too bad. It makes me sick that such a small thing has kept me from my dream. My frustration doesn't end there though. I am the least successful of my brothers and sisters, and I feel that I never measure up. My marriage that started off with such sweet love seems to have settled down into boredom....two ships that pass in the night. I have thought about suicide. I hate the way that my life has turned out.

Here I am at the brink of early retirement. I have worked hard, planned and dreamed of this moment for a lifetime. The "golden years" stretch out before me. How can they be golden when the woman I was supposed to spend those years with is gone from my life? All of our plans gone in an instant thanks to a man on a drinking binge. The years that were supposed to be so full are now only going to be empty. The golden years are truly behind me.

My wife, Becky, has been my best friend for the past 50 years. What great times we've had. Our home was really a home in the fullest sense. It brimmed over with love and laughter, but also its share of tears and struggles. Through it all we stuck together and grew closer with each passing year. It was painful enough when our children went away to college, but heartbreaking when they pursued careers in cities many miles away. But we didn't make a fuss. We silently shouldered the pain and sent them away with our blessing. We looked forward to the visits we were sure to receive. It is incomprehensible that they have made such little effort to make time to see us. I thought we raised them better than that.

I love my mother. I have warm memories of growing up in her care. She was always there for me, always attentive. But now I am 35 years old and things have changed. I have a husband and 4 fine children, and nothing I ever do makes my mother happy. We are never around enough to suit her. She hates my husband and disagrees with the way that we are raising our children. She calls at least 3 times a week to whine at me over something. I think that she is grieving the changes of growing old. But I am sick of it. Sometimes I wish that she would get it together and stop intruding into my life.

In the course of live, there may be no greater stumbling block than that of unforgiveness. I can't let it go.....it didn't happen 5 minutes ago, it is 1,5,20 years old.....I can't shake it. Friends, it is a matter of focus. Time heals everything? ....think about it. Refocusing heals everything.....the passage of time is often needed to help us refocus on something that can heal the situation.

Focus on Self: all grief is about the self.....being the victim.....this is about me, I cannot change them or the circumstances.....these things will eat our lunch. Heb 12:15 Look diligently lest any one fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness spring up and trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. It is important that we take care, and keep our hearts clean. Otherwise we impace our family, friends, all of life. Forgiveness is something that all of us need to find. This is a difficult place to go.....give me something nice, give me something easy. Wait friends.....isn't this what the call of Christ is about? That the depths of our sould would be open.....that we would learn to say "Father forgive them, they know not what they do."

Focus on Others: when you focus on problems, you take your eyes off of God. That example from Jesus is very important. He did not see the crowd as murderous nasty people, he saw them as those who God loves and wants to redeem. How do you want God to see you? We want all the grace for us, but are less willing to grant it to others. If we are to follow the way of Christ, we must learn to see others as God sees them; to see them as imperfect, broken, weak.

Focus on God: We focus not on ourselves, not on others or the problem at hand. Why do we forgive? Because we have been forgiven, and part of the Christ character within us wants our hearts to be clean. Focus on God...who is God? Only ground of hope. How.....through prayer.....God-centered prayer.....offering our pain, asking for his love over and over and over. God offers grace freely and fully to whosoever would ask; grace to those who have hurt you, and grace to you to let it go.

Ultimately, forgiveness is about believing that God is big enough to help me, big enough to help me let go. Focusing on Him can bring about a change in my life.....through prayer and relationship. In order to forgive, one must turn attention away from the self and circumstance and again to God; feast upon the goodness of who God is.....remember that His love is directed not only to me but also to those who have hurt me. When I focus on the problem, I have lost the battle. When I focus on God...O, the riches...it all comes in to perspective. Let's compare...lost promotion vs knowing God? Lost childhood vs knowing God? Knowing and walking with God--this is where our hearts must focus. Trust God, give it to Him. Focus on Him...think about Him for a minute...we humans cannot think about more than one thing at a time.

If you have spent time lost in unforgiveness, I want to invite you again to focus on the Lord, to see others as he sees them, to let His love free you to life--a life filled with joy.

Lent 1 2 Corinthians 4:5-10 2/28/07

Sermon 2-28-07 2 cor 4:5-10 Lent 1- grief

->>> 2 cor 4>>> 5For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves>>> as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6For God, who said, “Let light shine >>> out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the>>> light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.>>> 7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this>>> all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on>>> every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted,>>> but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry>>> around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also>>> be revealed in our body.

Do you ever feel that you have taken in about all the sadness that one person can handle?

During lent we visit some of the more serious topics of faith.
I have been planning to speak on grief for several weeks,
because there has been a lot of it going around.
Since the beginning of the year our congregation has
· Buried several fathers
· Buried several grandfathers
· Several have had friends diagnosed with serious illness & disease
· We’ve had broken hips, RSV, & other maladies I cannot pronounce
· We buried a very generous community friend.
· A nineteen year old who had many friends in our church family was shot and killed.
· A sixteen year old who had several friends in our church family took his own life.
· On Friday we buried a baby.
· On the way the graveside, I received word that a 5th grader at Voy spears elementary had taken his own life.

We have had quite a spat of painful episodes.

its on the news all the time………
· 2 brothers killed in head on collision
· Mother runs over 3 year old daughter
· Someone shot at 33rd & paseo

If you have never met with grief, then I applaud you, enjoy the Pollyanna world, but I tell you that your day is coming.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross did some wonderful work on the grief process
She identified 5 stages………….
Shock- they are handling it all so well
Denial
Anger
Bargaining- births the worst kinds of prayers
Acceptance- trust in god

This list of stages has helped me to understand myself in grief.
Its ok to be human
If you want to cry, it is ok……..

Grief comes in many forms It’s not always associated with death.
When I look back on the grief that I have known in my life it sounds like this
· Casper the friendly ghost cards on easter
· Not understanding life
· Feeling that I had let my parents down
· Moving away from friends
· Having a angry parishoner
· Trouble in relationships
· The death of my mother
· A child with a tumor
· The death of my father
· The pain of growing older
· The fear of death
· Grief is so personal
· I don’t like being an adult
· I don’t understand life

Some of it we can do nothing about.
Our parents are going to grow old and die.
Unfortunately, sometimes young people, even children get sick and die in spite of our best efforts
Sometimes Bad people do bad things that hurt us
Many painful things happen that are not to our liking.

After a boy took his own life, I asked Jenny if she would be willing to visit with someone from our congregation who was friends with him, since she has had friends die.
She said, dad, its sad enough to lose a friend, why would anyone take their own life?

Lets talk about this for a few minutes.

If you have had a friend or loved on take their own life
There was nothing that you could have done to stop this……
This is not yours this is theirs……
They chose…..

Everyone gets sad from time to time. despondent. Depressed.
Most people have no idea how much they mean to others around them.
They think that no one loves me
They think that no one will miss them
They think that the world will be better off without them

This is not true.
You would be missed, and grieved, our lives will never be the same.
For some, these wounds never heal, for others, they heal in time, but the scars that are carried from such wound are disfiguring to the core.

Suicide is not an acceptable solution.
No one would ever choose this if they knew the pain they leave behind

Life is worth living
Todays problems grow smaller in time
There is no heartache, no embarrassment so great as to warrant this
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Go home and tell someone that you love them. That they matter to you. Call up your friends, speak to your neighbors. Tell everyone that you can that their life matters.

Understand that your life matters.
God loves you.
I love you.
You are an important part of this church family.

We find comfort during grief from one another
God does’t comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters
Chris Hill………when I get on the other side of this, I want to help others

We find comfort during grief from the love of God
God stands by us and grieves with us……
Jesus wept over the loss of his friend Lazarus

The entire biblical witness is a reminder that we are
8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed Bruised but not brokenabraham is about to offer his son on an altar-god sends a ram
Hebrew children are being chased by pharohs army-waters close in
Shadrack, meshack and abendego are in the firey furnaceMary and Martha brother lazarus has died-jesus raises him Daniel lions den-the mouths of lions are shut

if you are a Christian, even death is not the end….the grave cannot hold you The entire story of the bible is of God helping his people.You can trust him

We have this treasure in jars of clay……….we are breakable, fragile.
We carry with in our souls a great treasure, God’s holy spirit.
Ephesians 1….you are marked with the seal of the holy spirit

Ash wedensday………….
Very touching, all of the people coming to pray and to confess their sin
The words of assurance:
The sign of the cross upon your forehead marks you, seals you as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Remember with me to day that in times of pain, you are not alone
Remember the words of our savior who said,
Come unto me all ye who r weary & heavy laden and I will give you rest.

If you have someone in your row that you know has been hurting, just reach over right now and take their hand…….